Wednesday, July 18, 2012


I have no friends from my past unless you count Vince - the rest all ran away.   Unfortunately I grew up in a community that fostered materialism and all the side-effects of it which are values I do not ascribe to.    I found out the hard way that most people ultimately celebrate other's failures -it validates themselves, it is the ugly part of human nature.   No longer do I trust people at face value, that is that they have my best interests at heart.   Some are sensitive to that but I think they are in the minority, most have their agenda in mind and most are willing to trump their agenda over yours.   I strive to find their agenda first then I can 'unlock' them.   I have learned to rely on my empathic nature, a dose of psychological profiling and body language, I evaluate all of those to form a profile of sorts.   I then adjust my emotional stance.

I found out the hard way about human nature after falling ill with a parasitic infection that ravaged my body, no longer could I function at the levels I did before the infection.   Unable to properly function, my business and personal life fell apart despite my intensive efforts to thwart such a downfall.   I was in big trouble and I knew it, instinctive nature kicks in and we rely on a different part of the human nature to survive and you find yourself doing things that you would have never dreamed of.    At the time I had no idea why I was feeling this way and in a desperate plea, I shared my inner struggles with people.  This was a big mistake not only was I violated but was berated.   People can only offer you correct perspective if they have correct perspective which most do not.   People usually have not developed perspective because they either have no empathy or global thinking - their disability is ignorance which ultimately hurts people.


The pinnacle of the fall began after developing Cushing's disease due to the intense immune response to the parasite.   Cushing's affects all parts of the body due to the intensive nature of hormones, these are steroids.   I went into full blown Adrenal failure and when that happens massive changes occur,  my whole neurological system went awry.    I fell on the floor as I was too weak to stand and went into massive panic attacks, it was very scary.   I was bedridden for a long time using copious amounts of nutritionals to stymie the tide.   Even after intensive therapy I was still off balance, sadly for me I shared this with a friend who found a great opportunity to gossip about me and my mental health.   Sadly this leaked to many people who began to gaze upon me with suspicion, I was humiliated to say the least.  Little did they know that I was already emotionally  stained by what had transpired - their callousness only intesinfied the pain.   No longer do I associate with any of these people realizing that these people have no rootedness.  This was a powerful lesson for me to no longer trust people or at least those who have agendas.  

Part of life is to mature, which means emotional and spiritual maturity.   Letting go of Self is important for spiritual growth.   Spiritual growth not only makes ourselves better but the world around us, it places other's needs above our needs.  This is not to say that everyone should become a Mother Teresa but it does challenge us to get out of ourselves.   Upholding other's dignity is the key to spirituality, not belief systems, dogmas or doctrines.

For those who suffer, I say I am sorry, may you have continued courage.   For those who are on the other side, please exercise your spirituality and understand that the person who is suffering is not bad but needs to be embraced with dignity and respect.  Please do that.

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