Disabled

I consider myself disabled, not as bad as I once was but nevertheless am still.   I can no longer do the things I once was capable of like sports or working a professional level job like I once did.   Something happens in the psyche when you consider this but it is a fact but not just for me for many others.   Disabled means not-able  but I think this word reaches far beyond the common definition.   American society lives in a make believe world, that is popular American culture, we like things that are shiny and new, ideas of perfection and when they no longer meet those demands, we simply throw those out in the trash.   We had only a temporary appreciation.   I had a cool spiritual confessor who was the real deal as far as Catholic Priests are concerned, a down to earth person who understood the organic teachings of Jesus and when I say organic that means the very raw teachings, not the fluffed or misdirected teachings we hear from the pulpit today.

Anyhow he commented that he had never seen such suffering in a person than myself as my suffering went well beyond the current struggles I was facing.  I was deeply entrenched in a situation that nobody could get me out of (being sick) and faced multiple struggles such as losing a business, financial struggles, ridicule from many people and the psychological stress that these events perpetrate.     I was deeply entrenched in my Lord at the time spending considerable time in contemplative prayer as I was considering a vocation in the church.   We talked about suffering in general and in terms of faith.   Inevitably we discussed the American mentality of entitlement, how in many parts of the world people suffer at the hands of oppressive governments, famines, disease and the like, yet we have no perspective of this in our sheltered American life.   With  entitlement comes greed, avarice and dissatisfaction with things that we are privileged to have, but I suppose that comes from perspective.  Entitlement kills our spiritual life since we no longer foster appreciation or value anything, an exploitation of sorts.

Everyone is disabled to some degree.  I was naive in my younger days,  I believed most of the external things that others excreted while only seeing the deficits in my own life but I suppose that I am not the only person who sees that or feels that pain of imperfection.   I personally believe that most see the deficits within while hiding those thoughts from others for fear of ridicule.  This is a form of bondage.   I have learned that having defects is part of the human experience, I am comfortable with my humanity -it takes courage to admit that.

A disability is like a pruned tree.  The tree cannot grow upwards like it once did but instead it finds new growth.  Disabilities can disable you but disabilities can force growth where there was no growth.    I am both weak and strong an anomaly of sorts, as with disability comes great strength that must protect the vulnerability.   Embracing our weaknesses makes us stronger.

(if you find yourself in a bad situation and need some encouragement, please let me know)