War of the Mind

 I was hitting golf balls at the park to ease my burdened mind when I heard a loud voice. I looked to find out what the voice was saying as he was some distance away from me. He was sitting in a wheelchair in the parking lot and as I walked closer, I could understand what he was saying. Some papers had flown off his wheelchair and of course, he was unable to reach them.

Joan Miro - Catalan Landscape

  

He was likely 50 years old. I have always been a people person in which I have gained great perspectives by listening to wise people. He was nice and we began to discuss life things. I was in the middle of several life crises and was looking for answers. I asked him how he ended up disabled and he told me he suffered an injury in college playing intramural football. I felt bad.

I said that his situation must be difficult. He pointed to his head and told me that the battle is between the ears, meaning that our thoughts and attitude must be in place to survive life. I say "survive life" because life is difficult according to my successful friend. My successful friend had the life most would hope to have but like all humans suffered some very hard trials. Life is hard, we all must carry our cross. 

I needed (and need) to hear those voices rather than the multitude of voices that blamed me for things that were out of my control, or worse, falsely accused. I learned that humans are vicious and unforgiving most times they lack the empathy to understand the complete picture. Then I had neighbors who spread vicious and hurtful lies about me. I still deal with that today. 

I have learned that many humans operate from the "reptilian brain" and few operate out of completeness and fullness that they should. Humans like shortcuts and they like to serve their frail ego by attacking and dehumanizing others - it makes them feel better. I avoid those people at all costs. 

Joan Miro - Hope of a Condemned Man

Truth is a difficult thing to corner, regardless of how smart we think we are. There are many layers to a situation and a wise person can see each one of those layers and explain with some detail the options that lie there, even then, it can be wrong. Seldom are things as simple as we perceive. The Dunning-Kruger effect proves this. Jumping to conclusions is dangerous, not only to yourself but others involved. My belief is that Western Society has done itself a great disservice, in that it is self-promoting, selfish and arrogant, we foster that in many aspects from schooling to social media. 

I spent a great amount of time in spiritual development and had many tastes of that. From traditional Orthodoxy to Pentecostalism, to Reformed theology, Christian mysticism (John of the Cross, Franciscan theology etc.) and my favorite which was Contemplation. Today, I center in Orthodox thinking with an emphasis of daily surrender and repentance. 

But during my time of searching, I knew a woman named Ruth who prayed with me. She was a channel of God, and I knew that because she loved "By their fruits you shall know them". I still remember her to this day. What struck me was her words that she believed came from God. She said that America's great sin was freedom. That seems odd but what she said has deeper tones. 

Freedom, no doubt is an awesome gift and I saw that first-hand in the military when I was deployed in West Germany. I got to stand at the border of West and East Germany at the time of the USSR occupation. I saw what radical control does to oppress its own people. Hair stood on my head as I witnessed what was happening. I still remember that day vividly, even after 40 years.

But freedom has a backside to it. What Ruth was saying was that freedom is a gift, but it no longer holds the virtue in which it was intended and turned into an abuse. 

Joan Miro - 

Rene Descartes made a famous statement "cogito ergo sum" which means "I think, therefore I am". Philosophers adore this statement because it defines the consciousness of humans, but Western Society has perverted this statement. They state "I think, therefore I am right" - a clear abuse of freedom.

 I see this in medical research. I have an honest 30,000 hours of reading research papers to resolve my long-standing disability. I finally learned that knowledge has many different levels to it. I would consider the average American to be at a level 1 thinker and they would consider their local physician at a level 2. Not to knock anyone, this is all admirable, but this is really a scarcity of the current research that is available. Of course, I should state that there is quite a bit of variation with these thinkers.

I spent quite some time trying to help people with Long Covid due to my deep knowledge coming from my current disability. I know the pitfalls; I know the research and I have answers for the myriads of symptoms they endure. Sadly, I quickly learned that no one is interested in hearing my perspective mostly because they are all "experts". This was all very disheartening for me, and I quickly withdrew from this pursuit, but I began to think why this was happening. 

Long Covid and other auto-immune disease can range from moderate to severe, I know severe as I was bedridden for 20 hours per day for more than a decade. It was devastating to me, I lost my income, was disregarded and mocked by my social circles, my reputation was damaged severely and quite frankly I lost hope. But I made up the lost ground by countless hours in from of my computer researching and formulating new treatment ideas. Doctors were of little to no help to me, I lost time, money and most importantly, hope. Hope is a wonderful friend and very welcome during times of despair. 

I trialed hundreds if not thousands of different combinations that I administered myself. I never gave up. I truly hate to see people suffer and have offered help to many. Most are neglectful and ignore me, a few have taken me up and made progress. That makes my difficult journey a little more palatable. 

I have been fortunate to have some very smart people who educate me in my circle (yes, we never stop learning, truth is a very deep journey). These include some published researchers and my friend Alison.  

Cognitive bias is something seldom discussed and more seldom recognized as an issue. Perception is distorted in many cases because of different forms of bias. Bias should be recognized much like a red light means to stop, failure to realize this causes cognitive crashes. 

Life is not easy and certainly more difficult (or not) when we are ignorant. Listen to the wise, and don't presume that life has downloaded all knowledge to you. Stay humble or be humbled.